Relationship to self in divorce

finger pointing

The expectations of how a divorce ‘should’ end can lead you down a dark and bitter place.  So what can you do about it?  Understand your personal responsibility in the matter.

#1 Rule: You are responsible for your own pain

Say what?!  After what that *** did to me?!!

I am not condoning what he or she did.  But if you don’t like feeling the way you do, it’s time for a change NOW.

#2 Rule: You are responsible to meet your own needs and take care of yourself

Easy enough right?  Easier said than done maybe?  The heart of rule #2 is if you are struggling and feeling out of sorts, YOU are responsible to change that for yourself.  Below are some quick rule of thumb:

1.  Only you know what you need.  Take the time to figure out what your needs, desires, preferences and wants are.   How do you know?  Check in with your feelings.  Start a list or start journaling.

2.  It’s not your former partner’s responsibility to meet your needs.  Perhaps you need to respectfully speak up for yourself and set your boundaries.  Or maybe it’s time to stop emotionally investing in a dead relationship.  Either way it’s time to let go and move on.

3.  Expect each others  needs to conflict.  This is the reality of it.  It’s going to happen.  Practice strategies like learning how to communicate cleanly and how to deal with anger.

4.  Whatever you are doing now is DIRECTLY correlated to how well you are doing.  If you are not doing well change it up.  Do something different or put into action what you know has got you back on track.  Maybe get some extra support professionally.  The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)

Take the reigns of your life when you feel helpless and angry.  With endings comes new beginnings.  Time to focus on you what you need to set yourself up for success and a new way of living.  And save BIG on money, time and your over all well-being.

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