Help! Communication Breakdown!!
You know those times when you and your sweetheart just aren’t seeing eye to eye? There is plenty of love between you two but something is just not clicking. One moment you are in heaven and the next moment both of you are thrown into the depths of hell.
With these type of explosive situations there is usually a few issues at play. But first things first make sure you have the foundations to work it out-your communication style.
1. State the facts. Statements that are to the point, straight forward and void of any emotion.
2. Tell the other what your thoughts, viewpoints and opinions are. Do some digging under the anger or hurt. What is it you fear?
3. Talk about your feelings. Remember no blaming, accusing, sarcasm or belittling here. Start your sentences with the words “I feel…”.
4. Ask for what you would like to see. There are no guarantees here the other is willing to do what you request. This is the point where you look for a win-win situation for each other. You are in a love relationship not a competition. Watch your tone as it sets the stage for your message to come through.
Let’s take a couple living together as an example. Sally is in the kitchen starting dinner. Wade comes home and sits on the couch. After she hears him turn on the tv she suddenly feels angry, storms into the room and makes a sarcastic comment to Wade. Wade yells back that he never gets a moments of peace anymore. Sally increases her criticism of Wade as he blankly stares at the tv. Wade completely shuts her out. Sally storms out of the room yelling he can make his own dinner.
So in this situation using the steps above Sally could progress the conversation:
1. You came home at 7pm, sat on the coach and turned on the tv.
2. After a long day at work I think its a great time to connect and spend some quality time together.
3. I feel like I am invisible and I am afraid that I don’t matter to you when you come home without asking me how was my day.
4. It would really mean a lot to me for us to make dinner together when you come home from work. It shows me that you love and care for me.
Communicating a whole message to the other, especially during times of conflict is crucial to working things out. The gift of unconditional love between intimate partners is an experience most of us deeply crave.
Give the relationship a fighting chance. Give the relationship the honor it deserves.