Are you too romantic?

Some say romance is a recently created cultural phenomenon.  Does the sound of that put you off a bit?  If it does you may want to double check on whether your romantic beliefs are based in reality.

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The romantic dreamy space is so easy to slip into where you are instantly whisked away to another world than where you are at.  It often carries the sense of awe, wonderment, and elation. 

Know that there is a defining line  when it is helpful for inspiration and motivation and  when it is getting in the way to you actually bringing and having a deeply connected love relationship in your life.

Here are some common over romanticizing beliefs to check in on:

1.  It’s supposed to be all rainbows and butterflies.  Do you have a pattern of bailing or shutting down when the going gets a little rough and uncomfortable?  If you do, you may want to look at this more closely.

2.  There won’t be disagreements or challenges along the way.  When you have been through a divorce, long term relationship or hurtful dating experiences there will be fears, attitudes or beliefs accumulated that are either helpful or just get in the way to what you truly want.  What does it take to have the relationship of your dreams?

3.  It’s going to be like the Hollywood Romance where we complete each other and are instantly connected and in tune to each other.  To expect someone to know exactly what the other needs and wants without communication is not possible.  Communication is the key to get the tune just right.

4.  If it doesn’t feel like fireworks than it’s not worth my time or even a second look.  What this means is sexual compatibility and attraction which can stem from psychological factors.  If this is what you only want in a relationship, then go for it.  If you want more, than take the time to get to know the person and look deeper before you close the door.

5.  I feel unconditional love for this person so it must mean we are meant to be.  This type of situation is a bit tricky with many scenarios.   I highly recommend you have a list BEFORE you get into dating or a relationship because you may not be looking with the greatest clarity as you become more invested as time goes on.   This ensures you are honoring your values and giving yourself the right to have what you want and deserve!

Anything you want is worth taking the time and effort to see it through.  Let the romantic feelings be the seeds to inspire you to start to move towards a direction you want in your life.   Remember you are bringing two different lives together into some kind of harmony.  There is bound to be some things that may be challenging and to figure out.   

Do you think romantic love is possible?



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HAPPILY EVER AFTER: PART 1

 

    6 Comments

  1. I love romantic movies! So I am starting to wonder how this has influenced my attitudes. When I think of romance I naturally link it to love.

    • I invite you to write down what you think romantic love is first and carefully go over if there are any unrealistic expectations. In a lot of Hollywood romantic movies I see the co-dependent type of romances. Codependency is when you put aside your own needs/desires for others. You accommodate others to the point you ignore your feelings, desires and basic needs. The result from being this way is resentment, frustration, not taking care of sometimes your very basic needs, stress, fatigue, burnout, and serious physical illness. Let me know how it goes!

  2. Romantic love to me is something you feel in the soul. I am on and off with someone now that I feel I have a soul connection with. I am often confused and unhappy with him as I want a committed relationship. Just the thought of us not being together anymore brings me to tears!

    • Soul connection and soul mate is such a widely used term and in my opinion over generalized now. Start constructing what a soul connection would look like to you. Perhaps look at how you are using this as a reason to stay when you are clearly not happy and not getting what you want. Yes you may feel deeply connected to this person but does he? So if he does also feel soul connection what does he say when you want a committed relationship? Do deep soul connections care very deeply about your feelings, needs and wants? I would think so. Look to where you may be over-romanticizing with what is really going on, what your responsibility is in this and what is your pay off for staying.

  3. Real soulmates show love to each other by caring deeply how they are treating each other. I found this really to ring true when my girlfriend and I have a disagreement. We don’t take low shots or demean each other intentionally so that we can feel better about ourselves. If she thinks I did she asks! Talking it out works!! Who’d of thought huh??

    • Absolutely. Always keep the communication lines open with a healthy dose of respect, a pinch of kindness and you will find you can work through anything.

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